This week the continuation of new column Letters From Our Future Selves. I’m inviting authors and bloggers to share the advice they think their twenty years older self would give them, giving each writer an opportunity to reflect on what they hope to learn and achieve during the next two decades.
I’m delighted to welcome my wonderful British friend David M. Brown today. David is the author of The Elencheran Chronicles and an excellent father to six awesome cats!
Do cars fly in 2033 and Did Bill Maher Become President?
by David M. Brown
First of all, don’t panic. Yes, this really is me, I mean you, I mean us. I’ll start again, shall I? I’m you 20 years from now. That means you’re 30 years old and I am at the half century. That’s 50 Dave, not 100. I know how confused you sometimes get. Don’t ask how I managed to send this letter to you. The postal service is awesome two decades from now, my friend. Yes, Royal Mail is still in operation but they’re much better than you’ll be used to. They even have email now!
I’m writing to you just to offer a little insight about your future. Worry not, Dave, I won’t share everything. Heck, I want you to have some things to look forward to, right? Do you have anything to look forward to now that I think about it? Sorry, just kidding. You have many great things coming your way like a new coat and even a toothbrush. Yes, mustn’t forget the new toothbrush. It’s purple and has the word, “Moron,” scrawled on it.
You’ll see from my ramblings that your/my/our sense of humour hasn’t really improved but don’t worry, old boy, people stopped caring years ago. Just continue to be yourself as you always do. That’s how things are for me today. You must have so many questions like do cars fly in 2033 and did Bill Maher become President of the U.S. I’m sorry to say that the answer is no on both counts but I can tell you Justin Bieber’s voice finally broke last year. That was big news, Dave, made all the major newspapers. Justin now works for the IRS. He does a good job too. Everyone pays their taxes anytime, anything to prevent him coming round!
As for you, well, life has gone along quite well, old friend. You’re still writing. No, you don’t have the backing of a traditional publisher and sorry to say that no one has seen fit to turn your books into films either. That’s not me trying to upset you, old fruit. You’re still writing and that’s what’s important. The Elencheran Chronicles series has hit double figures now and you’ve penned a few cat books as well. Those are still more popular than the fantasy books but what can I say? People just prefer kitties to fairies and goblins. Not much you can do about that.
You’ll be wondering about the six cats. Well, they’re all still around though elderly fellows now. You wouldn’t know the difference to be honest. They still annoy you on a daily basis but you’ve been at war so long that an honourable but tentative peace has been agreed. You leave them alone and in exchange they still urinate in your slippers. Fair deal, right? Keeps your feet warm in winter anyway.
You and Donna are still going strong, approaching 25 years of marriage now, you sly old dog. I know you’ve always thought Donna married you out of pity and to protect the rest of civilization from you but that’s not completely true anymore. She does love you, though she still makes those trips to Texas to see that friend of hers you don’t like and while over there she has those candlelit dinners with John Cusack. He’s smitten but Mrs B has kept it just as friends.
Did I mention that you have a bigger house and 6 more cats? Sorry, that’s probably one of those surprises you didn’t want to know about. Yes, you and Donna had those “discussions” about adopting another cat where she would be insistent, you would be reluctant, and in the end you’d both agree it would be far less painful for you to be disappointed than it would her. It’s been at least five years since she last hit you with that frying pan, Dave. Those persistent headaches are almost gone, me old cocker.
While you’re still writing as a hobby you have taken on various jobs in your time, never really settling in any one place for long. The main thing is you and Donna are happy, the bills are paid and the future remains bright. What more can you ask for, eh?
I won’t lie to you, bud. There are ups and downs in the years to come. You and Donna will experience highs (not on drugs thankfully!) and then there will be some lows as well. That incident with you, a limbo dancer named Keith and a pint of lager is one of the worst but you’ll find that out when the time comes. Remember, it begins when you walk through the front door of a pub called, “Staggering Stanley’s.”
I suppose what I want to say is that life never runs smoothly for any of us, old pal. What’s important is that you just keep on going and I can tell you, writing this 20 years from where you are now, that you do keep going. You don’t find all the answers, Dave, I won’t promise you that but you experience so much more than many people are fortunate enough to. You are happy and content with life.
I’m sure 20 years from now that you may also write a letter like this. Actually, this timeline stuff means you’ll have to write this letter, won’t you? I won’t get into the logistics of it. Just watch Back to the Future or Donnie Darko if you want to research paradoxes and timelines and all that stuff.
Here I bid you farewell, my friend. Who knows, maybe in 2033 you’ll receive a letter from me telling you about life in 2053. I’m sure they’ll have flying cars by then. Will Bill Maher have been President? We can live in hope.
Dave (aged 50)
About David M. Brown
David Brown could be considered a fantasy fanatic, especially since he has spent the last 10 years developing a 47,000-year history for his fictional world of Elenchera. When converting his obsession into literary form, David commits himself to a rigorous writing and editing process before his work can meet his approval. Combined with the critical eye of his wife and a BA Honors in History and English, David’s dedication leads him to his goal of inspiring readers through heartfelt stories and characters.
Although David is inspired primarily by fantasy fiction, he also finds his muse in the form of anime, world cinema, history, and biographies. His own books, Fezariu’s Epiphany, A World Apart, and the in-process Ansel’s Remorse and The Stars Beneath the Parapets combine aspects from worlds both old and new into compelling tales of a world not soon forgotten. David himself certainly does not lack a spirit of adventure; in fact, he left his job in 2007 in order to spend a month traveling. Second only to meeting and marrying his wife, David counts this as one of the most amazing experiences of his life.
About Man vs Cat
History has known many famous cats – Garfield, Mr Bigglesworth, Simon’s Cat, the Aristocats, the Cheshire cat and the Keyboard Cat on YouTube.
In recent years these feline things have replaced man’s best friend as the most popular pet in the U.S. while the Ancient Egyptians once worshipped them as gods. This was a mistake and I’m here to tell you why.
Man vs Cat is the story of one man, one woman and the six cats that changed their lives forever. To the woman they brought love and affection, to the man they brought sleepless nights, fear, paranoia and even ruined his jigsaw. Need I say more?
Parental advisory: our cats cannot be relied upon to moderate their language. Sorry kids, this isn’t for you!
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